Freedom News

Obligatory anti-monarchy rant

Making an original observation on the monarchy is kind of like pissing into the wind. We recycle the same points much in the same way that the Windsors recycle their gene pool. Still, with the coronation coming up it feels obligatory to say something; one wouldn’t want to give the impression of approval, after all.

It’s fairly obvious that hereditary power is unjustifiable, and this applies to the children of hedge fund managers just as much as it does to the monarchy. In a way, the royal bloodline serves as a grotesque realisation of the false idea of meritocracy; given the age of the monarchy, almost every European is distantly related to William the Conqueror, so while it’s a virtual certainty that the only inheritors of the crown will be the immediate offspring of Charles Windsor, it is technically possible that it could be one of us. How different is this to the notion of picking yourself up by the bootstraps and getting rich out of hard work and determination? Sure, it’s technically possible to climb to the top of the social hierarchy, but it’s infinitely more likely that the children of the oligarchs will inherit the social power that we’re all told it’s possible for us to earn. Rather than the meek inheriting the Earth, as that remarkable Galilean carpenter was once reported to have said (and in whose faith the Crown claims to be a defender of), it’s the lineage of quite literal conquerors who are to gain. And what is it they’re gaining? A lot of unjustifiable resources and a fair amount of personal despair, neither of which anybody really deserves. In a perfect world nobody would have that amount of wealth, and nobody would have that amount of family drama.

But we don’t live in a perfect world — as the countries whose stolen wealth is yet to be returned would tell you. But this imperfection should be limited to the bickering of the Windsors amongst themselves as they fail to co-operate while working in an Amazon warehouse (like some sort of extra circle in Dante’s version of Hell), not in the enforced deprivation of millions of people, languishing in unnecessary poverty as a 70-something-year-old is given a golden hat in celebration of getting his first job.

Still, something stops me from hating the people who camp out for days to see the coronation. Everybody needs something to help them get through life. I care too much about how many likes on Instagram I get, so can I really judge someone for hoping to get a handshake from their new king? Let them have their fun. Still, people should be reminded that the enjoyment in constructing a fandom out of the monarchy is a lot like the enjoyment one gets from binge-drinking. Sure, it’s fun, but it won’t be good for you in the long term.

Ellis Fox


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