Freedom News

Introducing Kropotcoin – the new cryptocurrency by Freedom Press

We’re excited to announce the launch of our revolutionary new way to hate the state! If you’d rather hide your spending habits from the government and the data harvesting industry, why not jump ship to our new initiative?

The technosphere is upon us, the formulation of the fourth industrial revolution. All will soon fall under the sway of the All seeing Eye. Panopticus Foundation front group the World Economic Forum have drawn up their plans for a cashless totally controlled society and it will be in the corner shop before you know it. You won’t be able to so much as buy a bag of Monster Munch or even some kingskins without the man jotting it down, making a note in the file that will be kept on for you from birth to death. If you even so much as search for “recipes for an onslaught of locally grown biodynamic courgettes” (we’ve all been there) you’ll get battered by targeted ads for the rest of your life. It’s time to say no! This is the Great Reset. A barcode stamped across the mind of humanity forever.

Gone are the out-dated cries of “buy local”, “join our mutual aid meetings”, “support your neighbourhood community garden”. What we need is an option that is reliable, encrypted, completely removed from earthly society.

Those in the wilderness may be able to avoid the robotification of society by developing a primitivist barter economy based on cowrie shells or badger droppings. Run naked and free in the woods comrades! But theirs will be a short life as the merciless steel eyes of the Megamachine sniff them out.

Are you looking for a safe way to try out some anarchist cookbook recipes? Or do you simply want to buy a sneaky Pret on your way home from a protest without your fellow organisers knowing? Have you always wanted to secretly commission some Ayn Rand deepfakes? Well now you can! Invest with us! Become ungovernable!

Anarchists reading this thinking “I don’t need this shit, I just want to grow tomatoes”, let us introduce you to the optional add-on, the Cropto wallet. We’ve specially developed this platform to optimise anarchist supply chains by letting you buy and sell seeds, clippings, mulch, and excess vegetables, with no pesky governments tracking your behaviour!

We are bringing you the first decentralised, uncancellable (and, crucially, useful for anonymously buying weed) currency.

Differing from other bitcoin tech, this will have the highest level of OP SEC and be traded exclusively on the Really Dark Web. Just leave £40 in used notes in the alleyway drop box, and you will receive a 3D printed unique NFT* to guard you against the ever impending panopticon, and a copy of “Mutual Aid”. Guard it until the moment of the uprising.

So join us, comrades, you have nothing to lose but your blockchains!

The Freedom Collective

*Neo-Foucauldian Token

UPDATE: Kropotcoin will be fully integrated with Anarchist Federation’s Black Bloc NFT upon launch.


(NB// This was of course an April Fools)