A Stab with the Royal Chipolata

And you think you’re so clever and classless and free,
But you’re still fucking peasants as far as I can see

~ John Lennon, Working Class Hero

 

Nothing says “you’re still fucking peasants” quite like the news of a new royal baby. A new blue blooded sprog is on the way. The newspapers have got excited and the TV news stations carried the story for hours and now we have daily reports of the expectant mother’s morning sickness. Jump for joy peasants.

The sad thing is that vast sections of British society are off their tits, giddy at the news. They love it. We have a society with collective Stockholm Syndrome. In fact many are willing to die and kill for them. Many seem to have bought the idea that being born into power, wealth and privilege is justified. Of course this is tightly bound with the idea of nationhood and the rich fabric of the British constitution, a fabric that is woven by our political leaders, the royals and (via the occasional ratification through elections) the people.

The joy at Billy and Kate’s first little bundle of crap was tied in precisely with this patchwork. They needed to provide an heir to keep their little racket going — it’s too lucrative to give up. I wonder if William realised that with every stab of the Royal Chipolata he wasn’t just fucking his wife, he was fucking the rest of us too. Does he think that God Himself was present at the moment of conception to deliver the future head of the one true church? Maybe he gets off on it. It’s best not to think about it.

Endless parasites: Royals pictured in 1880 (then known as the Saxe-Coburg and Gotha family) and 2012

The Mountbatten-Windsors have been on the make and on the take for decades and of course, the various houses prior to our current Royal Family before them. It’s a story of treachery, robbery, murder, lies and intrigue which stretches back a thousand years; a patchwork made by the biggest crooks this land has ever known. At first they made the laws and then over time the laws were made in their name. Even with the coming of liberal democracy their power and status remained and now we seem stuck with them for decades to come, even through the potential tumult of Charles becoming King.

This announcement of a third child for the couple comes in the same political era that gave us policies where poor families can only receive benefits for their first and second children. So we have the prospect of families really struggling to get food on the table and clothes for their kids while one family will receive state handouts forever. They will receive whatever they need and much, much more. They will get help from the State also for their business affairs. Ultimately, the head of the household will have weekly meetings with the Prime Minister of the day and pass comment on legislation.

The monarchy is the ultimate in lobbying. Unfettered access to government, tempered by convention so that they cannot directly rule, their influence is massively understated, as recent reports suggest. On top of which their meetings with the Prime Minister are held in private and we don’t ever find out what was discussed. What we do know is that the current monarch and heir have been lobbying for their business interests with great skill. They are two of the richest people in the country and they’ve manipulated legislation to protect their own financial positions. William in turn has said he is frustrated by what he describes as “constraints” on his position, when he writes to ministers to point them in a particular direction.

Unfortunately we’re nowhere near ending their centuries-long criminal activity. The republican movement in the UK is a pathetic bunch of liberal bed wetters, hell bent on replacing the monarchy with an elected figurehead who does the same kind of stuff. They seem to think that having an unelected head of state is the only thing wrong with our “democracy.”

So once again, we have to bide our time, ready for an eventual backlash. Maybe the death of the Queen when it comes will open up new opportunities. Meanwhile they’ll keep on fucking; they’ll keep on weaving this fabric.

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