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Milkshake Farage is a courtroom crybaby

Milkshake Farage is a courtroom crybaby

We’ve really reached a low point when throwing a milkshake at a politician is not only brought to court, but prosecuted as “assault by beating”

~ Rob Ray ~

Nigel Farage’s court case against Clacton hero Victoria Thomas Bowen is the latest example in a trend of politicians refusing to abide by Britain’s historic and hallowed tradition of flying food. As with disruptive road protests, this is a recent phenomenon in which pathetic victimhood is constantly paraded around by people with immense power, often in the same breath as complaining about ‘snowflakes’.

James Cleverly MP, leadership hopeful for the Bomb ‘Em and Flog ‘Em Party, argued earlier this year that “where a mob of people are outside someone’s private residence, clearly with the intention of distorting their future votes, that is unacceptable and we expect the police to deal with it”. This was in response, not to any actual fear of serious reprisals, but to the usual people in anoraks chanting “ceasefire now” waving nothing more intimidating than placards. You know the ones, light card on balsa wood.

And across the aisle in a rather patronising interview a few months later, after losing her seat in the election, centrist Labourite Thangam Debbonaire was getting asked in ultra-serious tones about “being put at risk” by journalist Cathy Newman. The risk? She got some critical feedback over her party’s position on Gaza. 

This has been an increasing trend across the political board — we’ve all seen politicians pushing the line, in similar mode to Cleverly, that what democracy really means is putting a cross in a box and shutting up for the next four to five years. And it’s an obviously silly argument, even to non-anarchists.

Representatives are not purified avatars of their constituencies’ direct collective will, they’re usually just some chump with an ego selected by head office to vote along party lines. It is absolutely within bounds, and frankly something of a responsibility, for their constituents to push them out of the sphere of paid lobbyists and into that of normal human beings. Any politician pretending otherwise is speaking to their own arrogance and laziness, not democratic ideals.

But the likes of Farage and his milieu are particularly egregious when they do this stuff, because they spend so much of their time presenting themselves as the straight-shooting hard edge of politics. Not for them the namby-pamby equivocation about treating migrants with respect while doing the bare minimum to obey international human rights law. They’re the ones telling it how it is, whistling and nodding at Turn The Boats Back, looking the other way when their supporters waffle on about standing on the cliffs of Dover with Sten guns.

That a prosecution then gets carried forward over the flinging of a dairy product speaks to the absolutely cowardly reality of Farage and his cohort. They aren’t rough and tumble political types at all: when confrontation arises they’re to be found cringing behind the backs of cops and bodyguards, whining about scary young women wielding sweet liquid retribution. No two-jabs Prescott these, shrugging off a dousing at the Brits by Burnley legend Alice Nutter in 1998 [edit: a reader tells us it was actually the very excellent Danbert Nobacon – though Alice is still a legend!] and not even registering a complaint. Instead they’re right next to the likes of Cleverly and Debonnaire, merrily dishing out pain and suffering by official decree — but heaven forfend that come with the same consequences a cheating boyfriend might face on a night out at Nando’s.

Tweedy Farage and his fan club love to accuse the left of being feeble wannabe victims, but just look at the state of them, literally crying over spilt milk, disgracing their political forebears who wouldn’t have dreamed of throwing such tantrums over a bit of flung fruit or an errant egg.

I suppose we shouldn’t expect anything better from Nige and his collection of whingers and pearl-clutchers, but still, it’s quite the self-humiliation.

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