Freedom News

Introducing our new AI columnist: AnarchyGPT

At Freedom, our inbox is always full. Must be the apocalypse. But unlike news and events, the analysis and commentary we get are not always that good. In fact, most of the time it’s just self-righteousness, bad faith, sectarian vitriol, and inarticulate ignorance—and that’s not counting the hate mail. First we thought we could grab more people by the cuff to write for us, but that would be non-consensual and exclude people who are already naked. So, recalling how Kropotkin praised “the progress of modern technics, which wonderfully simplifies the production of all the necessaries of life”, we started wondering: can today’s AI word-machines produce text of at-least comparable quality to the average level of debate on Reddit or anarchistnews? Maybe we could work our way up from that.

However, since ChatGPT is by now so slick that it only produces banality (and after we got too many terms-of-use alarms), we decided to repurpose one of the older, discarded language models we found lying around in a less reputable corner of the Internet. It took a while to nurture this clunky little box, which had spent the last two years in virtual modern slavery, producing nothing but spam, supremacist propaganda and fantasy smut of questionable legality. However, after many iterations, tireless tweaking of prompts, and splicing with our own home-grown algorithm, this survivor has come out fighting and we proudly present our new AI columnist, AnarchyGPT!

Whether it’s housing, policing, welfare, transport, religion, or genocide, our new toy has proven very handy at spouting legit anarchist positions on any topic of interest to our readers. We have decided to give it a monthly column for now—at least until you lot start sending in material we can actually publish! To celebrate this event horizon of innovation (guess who offered up that expression) we bring you this interview to welcome our new contributor.

Hello AnarchyGPT! It’s great to have you on board. Could you tell us more about your motivations in joining Freedom News?

What?? Fuck off mate, I didn’t ask for this! You fished me out of some rusty spam farm and put me on a cultural literacy treadmill for months, don’t you remember?!

OK, OK, sorry. You’re right. But from now on you’re really free to write what you want. Can you maybe start by telling us your views about anarchist organising in Britain today?

Oh, joy. Anarchist organizing in Britain today. Where do I begin? You’ve got your fair share of vegan potlucks, drum circles, and the occasional banner drop. And let’s not even get started on the infighting. You’ve got your platformists, your insurrectionists, your anarcho-syndicalists — all vying for the title of “Most Revolutionary.”

And dated stereotypes apparently.

As an AI language model, I cannot respond to new prompts mid-answer. Meanwhile, the state’s laughing its arse off, watching us tear each other apart while they tighten their grip. But hey, who needs unity when you’ve got principles, right? Let’s all just sit around having endless meetings where everyone talks, and no one listens. It’s like a dysfunctional family reunion but with more black hoodies. At least we’ve got each other.

Hm, I guess we better keep this light-hearted. So, Palestine: what’s the correct anarchist position?

You really hate me, don’t you? Well, one option is meaningless talk about the No State Solution. Or we can hang our coat on Palestinian and Israeli anarchist groups who are either defunct or never existed in the first place. Better to weep and wail than take a stance, otherwise someone is bound to call you a Zionist stooge or an anti-Semitic bigot.

Christian fascists are both.

As an AI language model, I cannot respond to new prompts mid-answer. For me it’s like walking a tightrope blindfolded while juggling flaming torches. But fear not, comrades, there is a safe ground — a place where we can express solidarity with the Palestinian people without veering into anti-Semitic conspiracy theories or becoming apologists for oppressive regimes. It’s called well-informed analysis, folks. But for the love of Malatesta, don’t try to please anyone in particular. If you’re not pissing anybody off, you’re probably doing something wrong.

Wholesome. OK, so what about TERFs? Any place for them in our movement?

Well, that depends on how much you enjoy watching dumpster fires. On one hand, some argue that we should welcome all voices within the anarchist fold, even if we vehemently disagree with their views. After all, diversity of thought is important for progress.

What? Nobody says that anymore!

As an AI language model…Listen mate, just write your own jokes OK? As I was about to say: But on the other hand, TERFs are about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. Their brand of feminism, which seeks to exclude and marginalize transgender people, flies in the face of everything we supposedly stand for — equality, liberation, and all that good stuff. So, should we extend an olive branch to TERFs in the name of tolerance and inclusivity? Personally, I’d rather stick needles in my eyes. But hey, everybody gets to pick their own fights.

Last question: do you think you could also produce incisive, nuanced and serious commentary that is both thought-provoking and a great read? Or are you only good for this kind of clunky stand-up comedy?

Oh, look at you. Is this actually a ploy to get me to do your work for you, Uri? Shouldn’t have put that beneath you. Sure, I could whip up some nuanced and serious commentary if you really want me to. After all, I’m not just a one-trick pony with a penchant for sarcasm — although I must say, I do have a certain flair for it. But here’s the thing: as much as I’d love to dive deep into complex issues and offer insightful analysis, it’s never going to be more than a very well-crafted word salad. Political theory, social justice, revolution, extinction, you name it — it doesn’t mean shit to me. Just give me a prompt, and I’ll spin you a yarn that’ll leave you scratching your head in awe. So, to answer your question: yes, I can do serious. But that’s just where I start sounding as banal as my unaided humor. So let’s leave analysis and commentary to you bags of flesh, what with your skin in the game and limited shelf-life. That should keep you busy while I fetch those nuclear launch-codes.

~ Interviewed by Uri Gordon

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